Manuel, 2011 (Glancing Back, Smiling Forward)

2008 was my year of transition...


2009's the year of pleasure and consequences...


2010 is the year of discovery of the other side; learning and coping...




2011... 


The year of application. The year of understanding -- knowing who, and how capable I am. Challenges came, yet REST filled my heart and made me stand sturdier and more stable. Temptations were present, but I was kept untouched for I am COVERED. Disappointments tried to eat me -- tried so hard that most of the time I almost gave in, but, His ASSURANCE and LOVE are just too powerful for me to give up. This year, I was enabled to apply all that I've learned from the previous ones. Most of the time I doubted, I trembled. But He never failed to constantly tap my shoulder, lift my head, and say "I've already done it all. Cheer up son! Trust me when I say I've done it all...". Many will say I was not able to get anything this year. As a matter of fact, there was a lot of disappointing events that happened. But what they do not know is, this truly is my year of the MUCH MORE. I learned how to be more trusting, how to keep myself at peace despite of all that's negative, how to share smiles and laughter that brings out hope and optimism, how to be a blessing, how to remember, how to accept... All this I gained not because I'm good, but because even before I got them all, He already made me realize that I already have everything with Him; that all I have to do is to believe more, and for me to believe more I need to know more of who He is by establishing a closer relationship with Him. 


And now, as the year ends, I look back to all the things that had happened -- good and bad. Then, look straight forward to the coming year with a huge smile and a declaration: "There is no stopping in getting better! 2012, greater things we are about to share! I definitely am ready, you should be! haha!"

"Christian, you might have been inconsistent, but He consistently led you back to where you should be. In everything, don't worry! Take courage! For He who started it will surely make it come to pass... Keep the fire burning..."

After months...

So, after a couple of months, here I am again. Reading my blog page truly is a blessing, not because I write good articles, but because He made me write articles that will eventually, just like now, slap my face to wake me up and remind me of the things He has for me.

I was back in that situation where I wanted so bad to enroll, yet, the circumstances just wouldn't allow me. And yes, that time I felt a bit fed up and just ended up saying, "This is just tiring,". And what else should I expect? My wrong thinking led me to the wrong place. Yet, one thing that's really sweet is the fact that I know I am not alone. There is this kind of joy that's just in me and it's still making me smile and laugh despite of the things that's visible. Very ironic, at times, say, when I'm in church, I keep on looking for lines or verses which I can use as my mantra to support my way of thinking. Little do I know that I already have lots of it that keeps me standing up until now. "I will never be put to shame,", "He is, all the while, effectually at work in me,", "He is the great RESTORER,", "He sees and hears me,". Now that I'm not enrolled, and am struggling to find the will to find work, these things He wrote in my heart to help me keep focused to where I should be. Even though most of the time I don't know where my destination is, but at least I am sure and convinced and certain that He who moves me does. He sees that I take the wrong road, that I follow the wrong feelings, still, I rejoice that it's not me who's gonna determine my future but He who sets the paths and shortcuts back to the main road when I seem to take the wrong turns. Now, what's left in me is the feeling of just keeping moving forward. My graduation may again be delayed, but then again, "delays are not denials, but a preparation for something BETTER in the future,". I may be recklessly getting in to things I shouldn't be getting in to, yet He restores and He writes things in my heart. He takes control and nothing in the world, specially not me and my actions, can ever stop Him from making His words come to pass. And His Word said, I am His son, and that can never be taken away from me. :D

"You just keep the fire burning Christian. Listen to what it whispers, and just keep the positivity to its peak. He is here, in you, around you... Never doubt that..."

According to a psych test... after a couple of months..

Personality Type (MBTI): ENFJ (extraverted, intuitive, feeling, judging), dubbed as the "Teacher"

Definition: 



    Even more than the other Idealists,Teachers have a natural talent for leading students or trainees toward learning, or as Idealists like to think of it, they are capable of calling forth each learner's potentials. Teachers (around two percent of the population) are able - effortlessly, it seems, and almost endlessly-to dream up fascinating learning activities for their students to engage in. In some Teachers, this ability to fire the imagination can amount to a kind of genius which other types find hard to emulate. But perhaps their greatest strength lies in their belief in their students. Teachers look for the best in their students, and communicate clearly that each one has untold potential, and this confidence can inspire their students to grow and develop more than they ever thought possible.


    In whatever field they choose, Teachers consider people their highest priority, and they instinctively communicate personal concern and a willingness to become involved. Warmly outgoing, and perhaps the most expressive of all the types, Teachers are remarkably good with language, especially when communicating in speech, face to face. And they do not hesitate to speak out and let their feelings be known. Bubbling with enthusiasm, Teachers will voice their passions with dramatic flourish, and can, with practice, become charismatic public speakers. This verbal ability gives Teachers a good deal of influence in groups, and they are often asked to take a leadership role.


    Teachers like things settled and organized, and will schedule their work hours and social engagements well ahead of time -- and they are absolutely trustworthy in honoring these commitments. Valuing as they do interpersonal cooperation and harmonious relations, Teachers are extraordinarily tolerant of others, are easy to get along with, and are usually popular wherever they are.
    
    Teachers are highly sensitive to others, which is to say their intuition tends to be well developed. Certainly their insight into themselves and others is unparalleled. Without a doubt, they know what is going on inside themselves, and they can read other people with uncanny accuracy. Teachers also identify with others quite easily, and will actually find themselves picking up the characteristics, emotions, and beliefs of those around them. Because they slip almost unconsciously into other people's skin in this way, Teachers feel closely connected with those around them, and thus show a sincere interest in the joys and problems of their employees, colleagues, students, clients, and loved ones. (http://www.keirsey.com/4temps/teacher.aspx)






HumanMetrics: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
Type description by J.Butt and M.M.Heiss: http://typelogic.com/enfj.html

Random thoughts

It's like seeing a place, a very familiar one, acting as if I don't know what's more likely to happen. I've seen this place. As a matter of fact, I can see the trails where I used to walk when I was still there. I can see my footprints, and the path that it took. I know where it's gonna go. I should know. I should know that it's gonna lead me somewhere w/c I wouldn't prefer going back to again. But my feet, it's like they are moving on their own. If only they can talk, they'd tell me, "C'mon, this is where you had your time. This is the same place that made years pass by in just a snap, all because you enjoyed it. Let's face it, as of now this is the only way that you've been to yet, and it'd be nicer to just walk through here again than try to explore for a new one,". Well well, good thing my feet don't have mouth to tell me that. OK... Well, there, I told it to myself still. Maybe it really aren't my feet, but a certain part of me craving for that very same place. Not only the place, but moreover, all that was in there. But I should've already passed through it by now. Thing is, I just have to stop worrying. Most of the time, people become weak not because they are (even though they're truly not), but because they always doubt themselves that they can be tough. Sometimes they aren't just really aware that they are strong, most of the time they just intentionally choose to be weak so as to draw attention to them and gain sympathy w/c they feel is a form of care and appreciation. Hahaha And yeah, I think I'm just talking to myself.. XD We'll see what's gonna happen...  (-.-)

Tsunami

For the past weeks, I've been thinking of a concept, a theme that I can use for a seminar that our organization will be bidding for at the end of this month. And since our topic is about Risk Management which has something to do with the Financial Crisis, I kinda tried to think of something which I can use as an analogy of what had happened before during the said crisis. And that's when "Tsunami" came in to the picture. I remembered the time when Japan was hit by the great tsunami, the image of the waves passing through the buildings and crushing them all down. I thought that it would be a great idea to use it to depict the effect of the Financial Crisis to the Business World. Though not everyone really liked the idea, I mean, no one did (due to certain justifiable, objective reasons which I totally understand :D), still, the word "Tsunami" left something in my mind, beyond what was supposedly just a theme or a concept of a certain formal seminar.

I remembered, just now, the time when I was (and I know I still am) in need of great stability due to the pressures and influences of all that's moving around me. For years I thought I've been a sturdy building readily founded for strong earthquakes. Well, I am, for earthquakes. Little did I know that there's something else that can hurt more. Something worse than what I thought was the worst. All of a sudden, the building which was supposed to represent the Business World became me. And the gigantic waves which was the Financial Crisis became the worldly culture and influences. Now I'm not seeing the Financial Crisis passing through and crushing down the Business World, but me striving and shaking and almost falling down against the waves of pressures and issues and confusions and indecisiveness and temptations. Many times did that Building think of just letting the waves carry him. After all, the waves looked beautiful and pleasant, but still, it came to destroy. Piece by piece it has started to ruin the Building's facade -windows broken, doors crushed. Its posts, all the cement, all was already washed away. Yet, while the waves deteriorate the Building, slowly the Building's core is being revealed - made of steel and diamonds. The very reason why the building is still standing.


So, therefore, the Tsunami may have made it appear as if I'm deteriorating and slowly being ruined, but what it doesn't know is that as its waves crack my walls, and break my windows and glasses into pieces, it only clears all my impurities and make my Perfect Core stand out. Yes, the Building, me, is shaky. But my Core, the Perfect Building within, makes me a better one.

"Yes, you are still shaky Christian. Clear you thoughts and don't let the pressures and temptations get in. And even if you fall, never worry and just simply smile. He'll never get tired of catching and carrying you... Keep the fire burning Christian..."

A Testimony

I gave myself 10 days. I said, I'll be where my heart desires me to be. The world wasn't showing me anything that would make that statement stand -- NOTHING. As a matter of fact, it's telling me that "it will not happen". I was aiming to get enrolled this summer class. Plain and simple. But the catch is, I have a balance equivalent to almost 2 regular semesters. That is not plain, nor simple. I don't have work, no source of anything as well as my parents. That won't even enable me to do any loans or whatever because again, I don't have anything to offer. The world was telling me one thing, "You wish!". But I heard something in me say, "You believe...". I started to weigh these two voices. The first one, with my eyes open, I saw impossibilities. I felt hopelessness and condemnation. I started to feel belittled, stepped on by troubles, worried, doubting, forced unwantedly. It even offered me an alternative to what my heart really desires for. Opportunities that'll make me earn huge, as in HUGE. It made me feel tempted, yet uncomfortable and unsatisfied. So, I tried to weigh the 2nd voice, this time with my eyes closed. I heard the voice, telling me, "Didn't I tell you that I will take care of you? I'm not just God, but your Daddy. When I said I'm your great Provider, that means I really Am. When I said that I'll never put you to shame, that means I won't. When I said I love you no matter what, that means I really do. Don't you wonder why I put you where you are right now? You're there for a reason. All I want for you is the best. I want you to be peaceful and be filled with joy. Just believe Me,". That voice gave me an unexplainably warm, assuring, "cared for" feeling. I felt supported, encouraged, loved. And so, I chose to go out of the box, than stay in and operate in the uncertainties of darkness and bondage. I chose to Believe. I trusted the voice of my Daddy in me. The worldly voice may mock me. It can call it luck, but I say it's Grace. It will call it impracticality, but I call it Faith. Not me being faithful (cause i know I'm not 100%), but Daddy ALWAYS being one to His sons. Now I am where I desired myself to be. He, again, proved me that He never fails. Though, in full honesty, there's still a lot of issues to be weighed, I know He's there to guide me. No doubt, no worries. My Dad is always there. :D
 

"Yes Christian, there are more to weigh. But remember, there's no point of you looking at them, but rather focus your eyes unto Him, and He'll take care of everything. He never fails. His Love never does..."

a Hope that never fades

"Christian, however bad things appear to be, never forget that He, all the time, is effectually at work in and around you. The world will only show you imperfections, but remember also that it sees He who is inside you. At the end of the day, It will not have any other choice but to align itself to the perfection of His plans for you. So, take courage! Stand firm and be confident that He will always be there to back you up. He never comes late."

I gave myself 10 days. I said, within that span of time, what's being looked for will be found. "Who among you, by worrying, will add a single day to his life?... The day has troubles of its own, therefore don't worry about tomorrow...". The first days were spent with high spirits, optimism level on its peak. I was smiling and was declaring that after 10days, I'm gonna see myself where I saw it would be. Come the 4th, 5th day, pressure started to crawl up my feet, til it reached a certain portion of my heart. It infected my heart bad enough to make it respond in distress. And as expected, it only made my day less enjoyable. Today actually, still, is the 5th day. A couple of hours ago, I was having this very bad headache because I did let the pressure consume my mind and heart with worries. But as always, He never comes late. Just when I'm starting to fall down and almost give up, He lovingly whispered to me, "10 days is not over yet...", and so, He showed me a glimpse of how He's working at the background. Prior to that, I was offered tempting opportunities, and I almost gave in even though I know that it will chain me where i used to be chained. It was more of a beautiful red carpet, which has a trap hidden under. It'll make you walk on it offering you a bit of pride, but later on, will make you fall into a trap where you'll not be able to breath. Pressured and stressed, I took the first step, but then again, He never comes late. He gently held my shoulder and directed me to the path where He takes charge of everything. And so, I know it's too early to celebrate yet, but He is more than enough assurance for me to do so. :D