After months...

So, after a couple of months, here I am again. Reading my blog page truly is a blessing, not because I write good articles, but because He made me write articles that will eventually, just like now, slap my face to wake me up and remind me of the things He has for me.

I was back in that situation where I wanted so bad to enroll, yet, the circumstances just wouldn't allow me. And yes, that time I felt a bit fed up and just ended up saying, "This is just tiring,". And what else should I expect? My wrong thinking led me to the wrong place. Yet, one thing that's really sweet is the fact that I know I am not alone. There is this kind of joy that's just in me and it's still making me smile and laugh despite of the things that's visible. Very ironic, at times, say, when I'm in church, I keep on looking for lines or verses which I can use as my mantra to support my way of thinking. Little do I know that I already have lots of it that keeps me standing up until now. "I will never be put to shame,", "He is, all the while, effectually at work in me,", "He is the great RESTORER,", "He sees and hears me,". Now that I'm not enrolled, and am struggling to find the will to find work, these things He wrote in my heart to help me keep focused to where I should be. Even though most of the time I don't know where my destination is, but at least I am sure and convinced and certain that He who moves me does. He sees that I take the wrong road, that I follow the wrong feelings, still, I rejoice that it's not me who's gonna determine my future but He who sets the paths and shortcuts back to the main road when I seem to take the wrong turns. Now, what's left in me is the feeling of just keeping moving forward. My graduation may again be delayed, but then again, "delays are not denials, but a preparation for something BETTER in the future,". I may be recklessly getting in to things I shouldn't be getting in to, yet He restores and He writes things in my heart. He takes control and nothing in the world, specially not me and my actions, can ever stop Him from making His words come to pass. And His Word said, I am His son, and that can never be taken away from me. :D

"You just keep the fire burning Christian. Listen to what it whispers, and just keep the positivity to its peak. He is here, in you, around you... Never doubt that..."

According to a psych test... after a couple of months..

Personality Type (MBTI): ENFJ (extraverted, intuitive, feeling, judging), dubbed as the "Teacher"

Definition: 



    Even more than the other Idealists,Teachers have a natural talent for leading students or trainees toward learning, or as Idealists like to think of it, they are capable of calling forth each learner's potentials. Teachers (around two percent of the population) are able - effortlessly, it seems, and almost endlessly-to dream up fascinating learning activities for their students to engage in. In some Teachers, this ability to fire the imagination can amount to a kind of genius which other types find hard to emulate. But perhaps their greatest strength lies in their belief in their students. Teachers look for the best in their students, and communicate clearly that each one has untold potential, and this confidence can inspire their students to grow and develop more than they ever thought possible.


    In whatever field they choose, Teachers consider people their highest priority, and they instinctively communicate personal concern and a willingness to become involved. Warmly outgoing, and perhaps the most expressive of all the types, Teachers are remarkably good with language, especially when communicating in speech, face to face. And they do not hesitate to speak out and let their feelings be known. Bubbling with enthusiasm, Teachers will voice their passions with dramatic flourish, and can, with practice, become charismatic public speakers. This verbal ability gives Teachers a good deal of influence in groups, and they are often asked to take a leadership role.


    Teachers like things settled and organized, and will schedule their work hours and social engagements well ahead of time -- and they are absolutely trustworthy in honoring these commitments. Valuing as they do interpersonal cooperation and harmonious relations, Teachers are extraordinarily tolerant of others, are easy to get along with, and are usually popular wherever they are.
    
    Teachers are highly sensitive to others, which is to say their intuition tends to be well developed. Certainly their insight into themselves and others is unparalleled. Without a doubt, they know what is going on inside themselves, and they can read other people with uncanny accuracy. Teachers also identify with others quite easily, and will actually find themselves picking up the characteristics, emotions, and beliefs of those around them. Because they slip almost unconsciously into other people's skin in this way, Teachers feel closely connected with those around them, and thus show a sincere interest in the joys and problems of their employees, colleagues, students, clients, and loved ones. (http://www.keirsey.com/4temps/teacher.aspx)






HumanMetrics: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
Type description by J.Butt and M.M.Heiss: http://typelogic.com/enfj.html

Random thoughts

It's like seeing a place, a very familiar one, acting as if I don't know what's more likely to happen. I've seen this place. As a matter of fact, I can see the trails where I used to walk when I was still there. I can see my footprints, and the path that it took. I know where it's gonna go. I should know. I should know that it's gonna lead me somewhere w/c I wouldn't prefer going back to again. But my feet, it's like they are moving on their own. If only they can talk, they'd tell me, "C'mon, this is where you had your time. This is the same place that made years pass by in just a snap, all because you enjoyed it. Let's face it, as of now this is the only way that you've been to yet, and it'd be nicer to just walk through here again than try to explore for a new one,". Well well, good thing my feet don't have mouth to tell me that. OK... Well, there, I told it to myself still. Maybe it really aren't my feet, but a certain part of me craving for that very same place. Not only the place, but moreover, all that was in there. But I should've already passed through it by now. Thing is, I just have to stop worrying. Most of the time, people become weak not because they are (even though they're truly not), but because they always doubt themselves that they can be tough. Sometimes they aren't just really aware that they are strong, most of the time they just intentionally choose to be weak so as to draw attention to them and gain sympathy w/c they feel is a form of care and appreciation. Hahaha And yeah, I think I'm just talking to myself.. XD We'll see what's gonna happen...  (-.-)

Tsunami

For the past weeks, I've been thinking of a concept, a theme that I can use for a seminar that our organization will be bidding for at the end of this month. And since our topic is about Risk Management which has something to do with the Financial Crisis, I kinda tried to think of something which I can use as an analogy of what had happened before during the said crisis. And that's when "Tsunami" came in to the picture. I remembered the time when Japan was hit by the great tsunami, the image of the waves passing through the buildings and crushing them all down. I thought that it would be a great idea to use it to depict the effect of the Financial Crisis to the Business World. Though not everyone really liked the idea, I mean, no one did (due to certain justifiable, objective reasons which I totally understand :D), still, the word "Tsunami" left something in my mind, beyond what was supposedly just a theme or a concept of a certain formal seminar.

I remembered, just now, the time when I was (and I know I still am) in need of great stability due to the pressures and influences of all that's moving around me. For years I thought I've been a sturdy building readily founded for strong earthquakes. Well, I am, for earthquakes. Little did I know that there's something else that can hurt more. Something worse than what I thought was the worst. All of a sudden, the building which was supposed to represent the Business World became me. And the gigantic waves which was the Financial Crisis became the worldly culture and influences. Now I'm not seeing the Financial Crisis passing through and crushing down the Business World, but me striving and shaking and almost falling down against the waves of pressures and issues and confusions and indecisiveness and temptations. Many times did that Building think of just letting the waves carry him. After all, the waves looked beautiful and pleasant, but still, it came to destroy. Piece by piece it has started to ruin the Building's facade -windows broken, doors crushed. Its posts, all the cement, all was already washed away. Yet, while the waves deteriorate the Building, slowly the Building's core is being revealed - made of steel and diamonds. The very reason why the building is still standing.


So, therefore, the Tsunami may have made it appear as if I'm deteriorating and slowly being ruined, but what it doesn't know is that as its waves crack my walls, and break my windows and glasses into pieces, it only clears all my impurities and make my Perfect Core stand out. Yes, the Building, me, is shaky. But my Core, the Perfect Building within, makes me a better one.

"Yes, you are still shaky Christian. Clear you thoughts and don't let the pressures and temptations get in. And even if you fall, never worry and just simply smile. He'll never get tired of catching and carrying you... Keep the fire burning Christian..."

A Testimony

I gave myself 10 days. I said, I'll be where my heart desires me to be. The world wasn't showing me anything that would make that statement stand -- NOTHING. As a matter of fact, it's telling me that "it will not happen". I was aiming to get enrolled this summer class. Plain and simple. But the catch is, I have a balance equivalent to almost 2 regular semesters. That is not plain, nor simple. I don't have work, no source of anything as well as my parents. That won't even enable me to do any loans or whatever because again, I don't have anything to offer. The world was telling me one thing, "You wish!". But I heard something in me say, "You believe...". I started to weigh these two voices. The first one, with my eyes open, I saw impossibilities. I felt hopelessness and condemnation. I started to feel belittled, stepped on by troubles, worried, doubting, forced unwantedly. It even offered me an alternative to what my heart really desires for. Opportunities that'll make me earn huge, as in HUGE. It made me feel tempted, yet uncomfortable and unsatisfied. So, I tried to weigh the 2nd voice, this time with my eyes closed. I heard the voice, telling me, "Didn't I tell you that I will take care of you? I'm not just God, but your Daddy. When I said I'm your great Provider, that means I really Am. When I said that I'll never put you to shame, that means I won't. When I said I love you no matter what, that means I really do. Don't you wonder why I put you where you are right now? You're there for a reason. All I want for you is the best. I want you to be peaceful and be filled with joy. Just believe Me,". That voice gave me an unexplainably warm, assuring, "cared for" feeling. I felt supported, encouraged, loved. And so, I chose to go out of the box, than stay in and operate in the uncertainties of darkness and bondage. I chose to Believe. I trusted the voice of my Daddy in me. The worldly voice may mock me. It can call it luck, but I say it's Grace. It will call it impracticality, but I call it Faith. Not me being faithful (cause i know I'm not 100%), but Daddy ALWAYS being one to His sons. Now I am where I desired myself to be. He, again, proved me that He never fails. Though, in full honesty, there's still a lot of issues to be weighed, I know He's there to guide me. No doubt, no worries. My Dad is always there. :D
 

"Yes Christian, there are more to weigh. But remember, there's no point of you looking at them, but rather focus your eyes unto Him, and He'll take care of everything. He never fails. His Love never does..."

a Hope that never fades

"Christian, however bad things appear to be, never forget that He, all the time, is effectually at work in and around you. The world will only show you imperfections, but remember also that it sees He who is inside you. At the end of the day, It will not have any other choice but to align itself to the perfection of His plans for you. So, take courage! Stand firm and be confident that He will always be there to back you up. He never comes late."

I gave myself 10 days. I said, within that span of time, what's being looked for will be found. "Who among you, by worrying, will add a single day to his life?... The day has troubles of its own, therefore don't worry about tomorrow...". The first days were spent with high spirits, optimism level on its peak. I was smiling and was declaring that after 10days, I'm gonna see myself where I saw it would be. Come the 4th, 5th day, pressure started to crawl up my feet, til it reached a certain portion of my heart. It infected my heart bad enough to make it respond in distress. And as expected, it only made my day less enjoyable. Today actually, still, is the 5th day. A couple of hours ago, I was having this very bad headache because I did let the pressure consume my mind and heart with worries. But as always, He never comes late. Just when I'm starting to fall down and almost give up, He lovingly whispered to me, "10 days is not over yet...", and so, He showed me a glimpse of how He's working at the background. Prior to that, I was offered tempting opportunities, and I almost gave in even though I know that it will chain me where i used to be chained. It was more of a beautiful red carpet, which has a trap hidden under. It'll make you walk on it offering you a bit of pride, but later on, will make you fall into a trap where you'll not be able to breath. Pressured and stressed, I took the first step, but then again, He never comes late. He gently held my shoulder and directed me to the path where He takes charge of everything. And so, I know it's too early to celebrate yet, but He is more than enough assurance for me to do so. :D

Debaters, WE ARE...

We can never say that we were not ready, for we've been given enough time to prepare for it -- 1month. The task to work on the teams was left on me, while my very abled head (Raiza), mainly worked on other necessary things to prepare our way to our goal. Originally, I only have one team in mind, Raven, Marie, and I, since we've already debated together before. But under the Speakers' Guild were talents hidden still, w/c sprouted merely from curiosity and interest. That's when another team, a pool of neophytes, 1st years,  w/c goal was primarily to gain experience and not winning, was born (Sheena, Josh, Denn). There were attempts to make a 3rd one, but it didn't happen due to certain reasons. Schedules were given beforehand, with ample time to prepare, but as the days progresses, issues on schedules and academics started to arise. We were eyeing on 2 tournaments, and ambitous enough, we were establishing a higher level of optimism each day to believe that we'll somehow be able to make it. A couple of days before the very first round, more complications came in when one of the members of the 2nd team decided to back out, because she'll have to go home to the province. Right after then, by the recommendations of his friends and classmates, Wekki entered, and eventually headed, team B. With only 3-4days left before the eliminations of the Nationals tournament, team B members had their very first debate in their entire lives. It was, admittedly, so messy that it started to give them doubt of even getting a win, yet, boosted their interest to learn more. All of a sudden, certain changes on the schedule of the competitions made the following week an agonizing one. Originally, the schedule of Tournament1 was Feb. 19 and 26, while Tournament2 was Feb. 24-25. Changes happened and finally, Tournament1 was set on Feb. 20 and 26, while Tournament2 on Feb. 24 and 26. Yes. Final rounds of both tournaments was set on the 26th. We told ourselves that we'll just talk about the conflict after the debate on the 19th. So we went to UST on the 20th, and did our very first debate round outside FEU. :D We ended the day both proud, and unsatisfied. Proud of the newbies who had a record of 1-1 (WIN-LOSS), and unsatisfied teamA for the same standing. The 3rd round result on that day was left hanging, but both teams were already assuming that they'll come back on the 26th both with a 1-2 record. Feb. 21-23, no practice was done. Come the 24th, both teams battled on the intrauniversity tournament. On the first round, team B wasn't able to debate yet, cause one of teamA's member was late, so, teamA borrowed one of team B's player for the meantime. On the 2nd round, both were complete, and both emerged as winners. With the 2rounds that happened that day, teamA got 2-0, while teamB had a 1-1 WIN-LOSS standing. After the 24th was a mentally torturing day. I, as the captain, would want to have both teams enter the competition still, but as the 25th ends, it's really painful to announce that only teamA will be able to debate on the 26th. And not only that, we haven't decided yet how to work on the schedule. I was sent a msg from UST updating us of the round schedules on the 26th. 1st round will start by 8am, 2nd by 10am, semis by 1pm. However, in FEU, the schedule was, 1st round by 10am and 1pm semis. Having no other bases to make a decision, i just thought of going where there'll be a greater chance of winning. We were thinking, since we're assuming that we're at 1-2, if we'll lose the first round, that means there's no chance for us to enter the semis anymore, and so, we'll just try to run back to FEU to catch up with their 1st round by 10am and continue the stint there. Before the 1st round in UST started, the result of the silent round was announced. Shockingly, teamA actually won the 3rd round, contrary to what we expected, w/c made things more confusing. And furthermore, we were supposed to go against JPIA B on that first round, w/c made us win by default, and gave us a 3-1 standing. That time, we were already thinking of dropping the 5th round in UST, w/c will give us 3-2, w/c will still give us a chance of getting in the semis, only, a very slim chance. Overwhelmed, and getting more and more indecisive, we went back to FEU first while other teams were debating in UST. I talked with Marco, and told him what our standing is in UST. And Marco, trying to convince us to just stay in FEU, spilled to us our standing in their tournament. He said, we were currently the #1team. Jaw-dropping it is, really, that's why i talked with Raven and Marie right away. We voted where to debate, and decided to just stay in FEU for the 10am round (both UST and FEU's final eliminations round). We were in very high spirits going into the debate, after informing UST of our decision. Debating on the motion that THBT all product should have free trials, standing on the Gov side, despite of our good cases and structure, we lost (and here's where i get a bit bitter XD) against Opp. After an hour, they announced the semifinalists, and popping out on the screen, JPIA A fell short of only, take note, only 1pt. We ended up 5th. Saddened and downed and however you want to call it, we tried calling UST to ask if we luckily made it to their semis, and what they told us was, if only we attended the 5th round, whether we win or lose, we'd be sure of the semis spot. But since we didn't, we fell down to 6th place. 

I felt broken. No. Powdered. It's like all that I was aiming for the team was burned into ashes. The opportunity to go to Clark, Pampanga, or get the revolving cup (plus cash prize) -- all gone. And so, Marie, Raven, and I stayed at school comforting each other. Until...

I received a text from our dear, super close friends from TIP (fc ako.. haha) saying that i was announced as one of the top 10 speakers. :D yey! "At least!" i said. And when i went back to UST to get my cert and medal, i had a little chat with them, and told me that we could've won more. "Kayang kaya niyo sila," she said. And so, i went back to FEU with a bit of a smile. I walked back (as in) to FEU and came just right on time for the final round of the debate. I was looking at them, and i know Marie and I has the same thing in mind, that we could've been NegLex's opponent, and the debate could've been more exciting (no offense to anyone. :D). So, NegLex won (Super Congratz friends! :D) and even before it was announced, another shocking moment happened. They were to call the top 5 Best Debaters. As they were calling those who tied in the fourth place (four-way tie it was), i still can remember how Marie's eyes widened when they called her name. :D And what's more, when they called the 2nd placer, i was already thinking that the 1st placer must be someone from the semifinalists. BUT NO. It was me! :D And that's enough to erase all bitterness and disappointments the whole day. :D

And so, that's story of the struggles that we, FEU JPIA Speakers' Guild, had overcame the past month. And before i end this note, let me enumerate first all the awards that our members got all through out.

Mark Christian Manuel - Top10 Best Speakers, JPIA NCR Debate Open

Marie Antonette Bobon - 4th Best Debater, Dr. Nicanor Reyes Cup (ORADEC)

Mark Christian Manuel - 1st Best Debater, Dr. Nicanor Reyes Cup (ORADEC)

Raven Gomez - if only was able to debate on the 1st round, could've been part of the top5 best debaters (according to Marco)

Luigi Martin Martino - if only was able to debate on the final round, could've been part of the top5 best debaters (according to Marco)

Joshua Villapando - Punctuality Award, for being punctual and present in all our meetings. :D

Sheena Claravall - Angst Award, for giving the public speakers a good fight, and for being maangas as well sa jpia office.. hehe

Marydenn Obligado - Smiley Award, for the enthusiasm level that you showed the whole training period. :D

Luigi Martin Martino - Pahambol Award, for saying that you're not really that good.. hahaha

Marie Antonette Bobon - Amazona Award, for keeping the angst (grabe!! haha) even if you're sick.

Raven Gomez - Nosig Award, for missing the photo opts looking for signal for you phone. XD

Raiza de Jesus - Kilig Award, (alam mo na yan.. hahahahaha)

I've never experienced this kind of teamwork in my entire stay in FEU. To teamA and teamB, we didnt get the title, that's a fact. But, not only did we gain experience, but most importantly, we were able to gain exposure outside the bounderies of our school, and were able to gain respect. We were able to explore what lies behind the bounderies of our academic lives. I'm really proud of teamB, and i've said that a million times, because you really surprised those who knew how new you guys are in debate. You even surprised yourselves. To teamA, we're still not perfect, but we're getting better and better. I'm not gonna be surprised if we become one of the pillars of deabte in FEU (yeah! haha). 

This will definitely not be the last that we gonna be debating with each other. :D 

NEXT STOP, FEB. 28, 2011, PUP-MANILA, ARTS & LIT FEST

kung gusto niu ko samahan friends, pls do so.. :D

according to a psych test...

Personality Type (MBTI): INFJ (introversion, intuition, feeling, judging), dubbed as the "Counselors"

Definition:

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

a Valentine thought

"It's not the thing; not the situation. It's the eye and how it sees the physical and the intangible. Where it chooses to look at -- on what angle. Thing is, there will always be a million ways to view things, but looking at it through His love and grace, always makes the most perfect image. Christian, look at everything that way, and you will know, and see, what you really are looking for..."

They call it the day of Love. If that is so, then it is the day to celebrate Jesus, for He is Love. A couple of days ago, an agonizing feeling of loneliness hit me, and it dwelt w/in for sometime. But just like in any other situations, He timely revealed to me something that started to change my way of thinking. One thing I'm sure of now, is that He never wanted me to be alone. He created my family, my friends, my workmates, my classmates -- EVERYONE. A partner? Not YET. But I know that that person's gonna come. Things is, He already set my blue print, and the perfection of it has its timings. I know that right now, at this very moment, the strongest foundation planned on that blue print is being constructed. What to do then? Indulge myself in the privileges of waiting.

I just want to say...

Listening to Your songs never failed to make me feel your presence. But today, I can feel it deep w/in me so much that it makes me want to say, "I love you Jesus..."

5mins after midnight

Who made me what I am today?

Whenever nostalgia hits me, I tend to ask myself a question, to which whenever I give an answer, it paints a smile on my face. The question is, “How did I become what I am today?”. It usually makes me imagine pictures of how well or bad I’ve done the past years; what were my achievements, if there was any, and my downfalls. And with all of those pictures in my mind, a face is created -- the face of the Person who clearly and patiently guided me through the best and the toughest times of my journey. He, no doubt, is the best person that I ever met. He loves unconditionally. And when I say unconditionally, that means even if I don’t give Him back the favor, He still does. He perfectly forgives, and never remembers. I have, unquestionably, done really bad things, but He never put that on my account. He provides for me even if I don’t deserve it. He taught me how to be patient and nice. He is beautiful, and wonderful, and powerful. He never let go even if most time it’s me who is pushing Him away. He just happened to be so loving and perfect. I am half empty because of all the horror that I’ve done, that’s a fact, but I wouldn’t even be half full if it’s not because of Him. By the way, His name is Jesus.



"Actually, that's all you need to live with. The knowledge of His love for you. Know each and every corners of His love and you'll know how to live life, Christian... :D"

42mins before midnight

"Christian, I'm not gonna let you speak this time. You know you are in great trouble. You know that you've been very shaky, and that you're doing things that you know you shouldn't be doing.You're aware of your weaknesses, you know the things, or persons, that lead you to the direction that you've chosen to condemn. You are scared, you fear your innate capability to destroy all good things that was already set for you. You fear your random choices, your reckless moves, for it already placed you in spaces of darkness and uncertainties and sorrows and more condemnation. You strongly feel within you your vulnerability, your stupidity, your shamefulness, insecurities, inconsistencies, your imperfectness, your gigantic flaws. You know there is a monster living in you. And you're scared of the fact that once it totally wakes up, all the brighter sides of life will all be covered with creepy darkness. You know all those very well... But there's one thing you're forgetting. You are with Him and He is in you. The very fact that you're struggling proves that He's not letting you go. Just be patient, and never let go of the fire that's still (and you can't deny that you can feel it) burning in your soul. It's good that you know how imperfect you are, but that comes with a side note. Jesus loves you NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what. You're still perfect and loved and cared for no matter what. At the end of the day, it's not gonna be about what you know, but it's gonna be His love. Only His love. You remember that, Christian...."

51minutes after midnight

It's been a couple of weeks now. Still, I'm not sure where I'm going. I have lots of plans. My planner's full of it. But I don't know. I always don't. Why is it that everything appears to be a circular path. Same steps I do take everyday. Why do I feel alone? Why do I feel like i'm stuck even though I know I'm physically moving? Why is it that even if I laugh, I still feel something heavy somewhere in me? I'd like to believe that my mind and emotions form a manual mechanical engine. Every movement is physically controllable. Outputs depend on what you put in, and how you make the engine work. You can pull a string to make it run faster, another to make it slow. Push the button to make it stop at your own will. I've had my engine for the longest time, but it's like it's just now that I'm starting to realize that I still don't have a full grip on how to make it run appropriately. I've tried pressing buttons, different controls, still it's not running the way I wanted it to. My brain cells are getting number and number, my veins and arteries starting to feel dry and empty. My mechanical being is deteriorating. I'm fearing the day when i'm senseless enough to stop working.

 "Christian, you know there's a voice. You can hear it. It's saying something, and you can only understand once you start focusing to it. Let the world roar, let it shout all deficiencies that it sees you have. Leave it doing what it does best, making people deaf enough to listen to it. At the end of the day, it's still gonna be you and HIM... Better not move yet, using your own effort. Let Him move you..."

One Afternoon

"In the silence, not of the world, but of the mind, there is PEACE."

Sometimes we just have to sit down, stare at the beauty of all that's moving. That's when your sleeping mind wakes up. And when it does, it'll talk to you. It'll share its dreams while it's sleeping, showing you the things you weren't aware of, making known to you all that your eyes failed to see. That's when peace comes. Realizing the things that you missed out while your body is awake.

In loneliness you'll realize that all through out, you really haven't been alone. Frustration comes whenever we compare. We may not be comparing a thing to another thing, nor a person to someone else, but we compare it to what our eyes want to see, to what we want to feel. But when we learn to compare with the right point of reference, the right PERSON OF REFERENCE, we will still, definitely, get frustrated but with understanding and appreciation. Frustration will not stuck you up somewhere anymore, but it'll serve as an opportunity to open other great opportunities. That's the Art of Comparison. HIM.

Manuel, 2010 (A New Year's Verse)

I started the year weak and vulnerable; have been belittled and underestimated by many. At certain points, got respected and praised by some.... This clearly is a year of EXPERIENCE, a year of INTRODUCTION to the other sides of life. Still, despite of the darkness of the night-life, despite the temptations of the warmth of the street lights, there's always been a Voice consistently pulling me up, showing the real meaning of LIGHT. And as the year ends, I may still be that same weak, vulnerable man that I've been, but at the end of each and every day, that Voice, His voice, will always prevail.



I say GOODBYE to the darkest, yet most fruitful year I've had, and HELLO! HALLELUJAH! to the year to come. A joyful one to everyone! :D

"Don't be blinded by the pleasures of the world. You know what is right. You know where you should be. Just free yourself. If in case you can't, don't lose hope. He'll do it for you. Keep the fire burning in your heart. There is more to life. More..."